The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

So, how does it get to this point?  How does it get started?

You confide in one person and wham! it has turned into a rumor mill with so many different varieties in the situation you are in.

What do you believe when you hear it? Are you shocked like these women or are you shaking your head in the no position and then telling your friends?

That has been the story of my life for over a year now. I have disappeared from the public eye for over a year.  I have heard so many things about me, after resurfacing into a new career.  I am ashamed by what I hear my “friends” have said and then I am shocked that those things WERE said about me.  I have been talked about, judged and ostracized.

First, let me say that no one is perfect. That includes the gossiper.  If you hear something about someone, go to the person and let them know it is going around. Maybe you can stop the rumor mill because the person being gossiped about won’t be able to stop it once it gets into the ears of the right people.  It spreads like wild fire.

I am have been keeping read More >

Hi Thea!

I want to ask you how did you deal with your pain?  I understand that you mentioned that the Lord carried you through the pain but in what way?  Did you pray all the time or over one particular scripture over and over again?   I am going through the same situation.   Someone hurt me deeply from church due to gossip and I really enjoyed going there every Sunday, even alone at that!  Now it’s just one of those hesitant decisions I come across every Sunday morning, wondering if I’m going to run into that person or any of the friends that know about the situation which is very awkward regardless.  I wouldn’t really have an issue with it if a majority of the church didn’t know about it and made their decision to choose her side because she does a great deal of serving.  It seems that because of her volunteering, her gossip was excusable.  I hate bringing all of this into light, I just feel a bit cast aside.  And although I believe deep within my heart that God will never leave me and hear all my crying and prayers, it’s still a stab into my heart that lingers and it can’t seem to go away.  It’s been several months and I just want to get to a place where I don’t feel as I’ve done something wrong and I don’t deserve to serve the Lord at that church.  I’ve even considered trying to find another church but it’s so unbearable to start my healing somewhere else.  I’ve prayed about it consistently and even had others do the same for me and don’t know what to ask anymore in my prayers.  I appreciate your story and helping me feel a bit at ease knowing that I’m not the only one that has felt this way.   May God bless you abundantly and thanks again for sharing your story  :)

I am so sorry for your pain. Believe me when I say you are not alone. God hears your cries and catches every one of your tears and puts it in a bottle. I am going through another storm of gossiping about me right now that is ALL over the city I live in. Gossip is something that the Bible talks about, as I am sure you already know. The fact this woman, who serves in the church, has told things about you that are false should tell you something. You and I aren’t judging this woman but seeing that the fact she is spreading false accusations means she isn’t where she needs to be. She needs our prayers. The thing that I always say out loud to myself and God when things like this happens is:

Jesus, this person is messing with Your child.  You said that vengeance is yours and I am asking you to take care of this for me. I can’t do anything more than what You could do. I am hurt by these words, convict him/her to stop and let them see the error of their ways. Please allow this person to feel the hurt I have in my heart.  I pray that if they are truly a child of Yours that You will take care of it the best way that only You know how. I will just screw it up. I know if they truly have a heart for you, they will be convicted and come to me to make things right. If they don’t have a heart for you God, then what else can I expect from someone who doesn’t know You, live for You, love You?  Help me to forgive them.

Now about you moving your seat from this church to another….I would first want to ask you if you have spoken to your Pastor about this?  The Pastor needs to know what is going on with his flock.  He has been called to this position from God and holds a very high responsibility looking after His sheep. It sounds like there is already division in your church and your Pastor needs to be made aware of it, if he doesn’t already know. Otherwise how can there be growth as a whole?

The next thing I would suggest is to pursue God. Pursue means to chase & capture. When you are in pursuit of something with the goal of capture in mind, you will be amazed at what will happen in your walk with God.  Take your focus off your pain.  Jesus took a lash from the cattail that was made out of glass that day He was crucified and that lash was for all your pain you have felt, feel and will feel. He took it for YOU. It’s already taken care of.  You just have to believe it. God has a big bottle, every tear you shed is going in it.  He has a book, and He’s writing down your prayers, and He tells of your wanderings.  He knows all about what’s going on.  He’s heard you the many times you sought Him over one particular need.  After awhile that bottle becomes full and He has to do something about it. Just one more tear may do it.

Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.  James 5:13

It’s obvious that your affliction hasn’t moved overnight.  You hope it will be taken care of NOW but for some reason, count it joy Sister, He sees you and is allowing this to happen to you.  He is building your faith and bringing you closer to Him.  Forget that this person has wronged you and thank God that He has allowed it to happen because you are seeking Him.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.  Hebrews 10:36

I will be praying for you and if you would like to talk more, please email me.  I would also suggest you getting the book, Prayer by Verbal Bean.

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?               James 4:11-12

What happens when we judge someone in our mind? Are we trying to lift ourselves up because we are having low self-esteem? Is it because we are jealous of what the other has? Maybe someone that we look at seems to have it all together and we know that we don’t, so something has to be wrong with the person and we try to find it. Maybe you are sitting in a book store and in walks 4 women with their hair up, no make up and long skirts. What do you think? Do you look at them and judge them right there?

We judge because we don’t understand someone’s choices. Choices that make them look a certain way. Their choices have them where they are now and maybe you don’t like where you are and want what they have. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you judge someone because they wore that outfit to church and it is making all the men look at them. Maybe she is overweight and is sitting at a restaurant eating a big piece of cake. Maybe she is walking down the hallway of school holding another girls hand.

What about speaking evil about one another, brothers? By this verse saying “brothers”, James was talking to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why do we speak evil about one another? Life is so hard when you walk out your front door. It is so hard to be around others who are talking about someone else and not join in.

It’s hard for me. I mean, I have turned my life around and have felt the Lord in my life, showing me the areas that I need to change to make me live more righteously (that means living right for God). I have been searching for holiness in my life. Sometimes it is confusing and sometimes it isn’t. I have made a decision to not get on facebook or email or anything on the computer until after I have given the Lord my time in the morning. I was noticing that my life was getting out of control and I didn’t know how to take hold of it. I realized that God was getting the last part of my day when He should have been getting the first.

Living my life, making the choices I make now, I  try to do it all out of love and wanting to do what the Lord convicts me of. There are some things I might not be convicted of that you are, but it doesn’t mean that you or I are less than what we should be. Everyone has their on convictions. Where one might have a conviction to stop drinking, I don’t because I don’t drink anymore. (I recently found out that I am allergic to alcohol and have immediate side effects.) I rarely did anyway because of the side effects I had, swelling immediately in my hands after the first sip. So, we all have different convictions.  The Lord deals with each of us differently but it all is going toward one goal: to be reconciled to Him.

I do have a hard time with being out in the world. I try to stay to myself and the reason is not because I don’t like people or think I am better but because I have a weakness and it’s called listening to gossip. I sometimes fall into it or I just stand or sit there. Sometimes I will start it by saying something I heard earlier and want to know if that person heard it. Even when I don’t say anything, it is just as bad because I am allowing it to enter where the Lord’s Spirit resides. After all is said and done, I walk away feeling like I failed miserably. So, I have been trying to not talk about anything that I have read that is the bad fall of someone else. The news I hear is always a conversational piece to break the ice when I’m with someone else. BUT like I said I am trying to stop that.

SO, if you are close to me or talk to me and I start saying something about what I have heard, please stop me. I would like to try and tell others to stop when they start but I just don’t know how. Have you been able to stop someone from going any further in their gossip about another person? If so, will you share with me?