The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

My husband just left today for his third deployment, but my first, and I’m finding myself moping around the house. I’ll be fine for awhile, then all in a sudden reality will sink in and I get upset again. I know tomorrow is a whole new day and I’m hoping to start it fresh and get a new routine set in. But what did you do the first day your husband was gone? Did you try to work? Did you feel better after a few days?

Thanks
Mary Ann

Dear Mary Ann,

I know it is hard! Being a Military Spouse is not an easy life. This being your first deployment, it’s great that you are seeking the advice from another Military Spouse and there might be some out there reading this that can give you steps that helped them in the comment section, so check back! Until then…

For me, we are going on 20 years of Military wedding bliss, the first deployment was horrible. I’m kind of a drama queen anyway, so the first day was worse than any other day I can remember. I felt like there was a death. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again. Did I tell him everything that I wanted to tell him or did I get enough kisses and hugs? When he was packing I was sure to hide little notes in his socks, in his underwear, shirts, etc… so that when he started unpacking where ever he was, he would be greeted with a little something from me. I know this might sound gross but I didn’t want to wash his pillow because it still had his scent on it. I asked him to take a picture frame I bought that would allow recording and speak something special in it for me only, that when I was missing him I could push the button and hear his voice. I cried on and off until I couldn’t cry anymore. It was all due to my fears of never seeing him again and just missing my other half!

What really helped me? Screaming as I cried! I mean getting mad and yelling as I cried. I did this for about 5 minutes and it really helped me get it out. After the first day, you start getting into your new routine, doing the things he did and learning to be by yourself or be both Mom and Dad. You will have your moments half way through and then you will change because now it is countdown till the time he walks through those hanger doors!

So, in closing, the first day, for me, was cry and get it all out. I screamed in my pillow, cried till my eyes were swollen. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t work and I had little ones, so I had to scream in the pillow after they were asleep for their nap. They caught me a couple of times crying but I would let them know the truth, that mommy was sad and it is ok to cry when your sad. I would say this as I was cleaning myself up and thinking, “Get it together!”

You seem to be a strong person and I think you will be just fine. Let nature take it’s course and don’t stop yourself if you feel you have to cry. It is a good release for stress. So is exercise! Don’t become secluded but stay active with your husband’s unit and FRG. I hope this helped and if you need anyone to talk to, I am here.