The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

What do you do, when love comes along and offers your heart a chance to move on?

There are no guarantees, no safety nets, just trusting your heart and taking that first step.

Second chance? Do you take it and fly? Or do you ignore it and tell yourself it isn’t time because you have other things going on? Maybe you think you don’t deserve a chance at something that could be amazing because you don’t want to drop your guard and possibly be hurt again.  It’s safer to not have loved than to love at all and get hurt, right?

WRONG!

We all know love or relationships are hard work.  Having to learn personalities all over again and hoping that they aren’t like the others that didn’t work out before them.  Every relationship that has gone sour, hurt. You know what you don’t want in the next person that is given a chance to get to know you…but you aren’t giving them a chance, you are giving yourself a chance.

A chance to be happy, to enjoy someone’s company, to laugh, hold hands, feel a part of someone’s life and to be hurt. To argue, not always agree with someone, need space to miss that person, someone to run to when you wanna cry but be connected to someone, non the less. No pain, no gain…right? It is so true when you have found someone or someone has found you and there is a connection.

RelationSHIP

It seems to be the most un-sturdy and uncertain vessel to navigate through any ocean of the heart. While the warm winds of prevailing love and romance blow favorably through its sails, this unseaworthy vessel steers ahead with pride and promise. But upon hitting rough and stormy weather, too often the relationSHIP flounders and sinks.

How do you know if you are in a relationship? Well, the definition for relationship is a state of connectedness between people, especially an emotional connection.

What is an emotional connection in a relationship? It’s something that goes beyond just the physical. It’s being able to relate to a person on an emotional level. To be able to share your feelings with them, being open and vulnerable, and trusting that person not to hurt you emotionally. Though it could happen. When you find that you are spending a lot of time together in a relaxed environment you will find opportunities for sharing feelings and talk openly about things. One thing that nourishes the emotional connection is cuddling. I am not talking about sexual touching but non-sexual touching and physical closeness.  We communicate a lot nonverbally.  Hugging, cuddling, touching, holding your partner – these things all express your feelings for him or her without saying a word.

When two people spend quality time together, sharing, caring, nurturing, and loving, an emotional attachment is formed.  If this continues overtime, the bond created becomes deeper and stronger. It will almost feel as if they have known each other all their lives.

An emotional connection fuses souls and strongly ties two hearts together, making individuals inseparable.  When a person is able to feel your heartaches, that constitutes an emotional connection. When kind words are used to uplift each other, then there is no question as to what it is.  It is, indeed, an emotional connection, and no other feeling in this world could compare.

In the event of two available individuals, two that are not attached in a marriage or other relationship, it should be highly valued.  Love is the end result of such unified bond. A bond which can withstand the test of time, and continue to live on long after individuals are gone.

Life is too short to ignore chances that come your way.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. There is no such thing as a flukes. It wasn’t chance you met this person or that.  They are in your life for a season or for a life time.  Only God knows and it is God who you have to trust to get you through.

So what do you do, when love comes along and offers your heart a chance to move on?

You are wanted when a man is attracted and decides he wants to possibly be a permanent fixture in your life. You are wanted when other men look at you and your boyfriend, fiance, or husband sees that you are attracting other mens attention.

What makes us wanted?

Is it our personality? Our spirit and attitude toward others?
Doesn’t those qualities make someone beautiful on the outside? Or is it strictly the eye candy; what we look like on the outside?

The outside appearance is what 99% of the time attracts someone to you before they know what you are like on the inside. That is how society has conditioned us to be.
Sure, being attractive gains the attention of a man but what about your flaws, your quirks? Flaws like scars on your body or maybe burns that you cover up?
Will the man who has been courting you and getting to know the inside, turn once he sees what is hidden?

Well, first of all no man should see what is hidden, physically under clothes until you are married. So, if you are faithful to your convictions, what will this man think on the wedding night and he sees scars that were hidden? Will he feel like he was fooled? Or will his love be so strong that your scars are part of you? They are a road map to your journey in life. Are there men that think like that or is this just my romantic heart talking?

(Men reading this might say, “No, I wouldn’t turn away.” But there are men that would. Men who think it is all about him and his quest, no matter whose heart he breaks in the journey to finding the perfect woman.)
There is no perfect woman. The women modeling the cover of any magazine is always photoshopped. Some flaw is being covered up. We all have flaws. Including the men looking.

Why am I saying all of this? Because there are women out there that have experienced the heart ache of someone sharing and saying everything that made them fall. That person might have been genuine and sincere but there are men who will say all the things to win your heart and once you share yourself, your family, your hopes and dreams, your very being; you find out that they weren’t serious even though they sounded like it with all the right words. Could it be because you shared what was covered up? He saw the flaws and maybe he knows he will find someone that isn’t as badly scared as you because he really wants the top of the line. Your line has kinks.

Is this how the dating scene is?

I’m new to the dating field and I have not dated since my divorce, which has been about a year now. Sure I have been asked out but I haven’t been able to allow myself to put that foot forward. After being married for 20+ years, marrying young at 18 and only dating a few men before marrying, I am finding that I have a lot to work on. I come across as naive, being easily deceived, or too trusting when it comes to things said to me. When I talk to someone, I guess I don’t have my guard up if I am looking at them in the eye. I always give that person standing in front of me the benefit of the doubt and my trust until he is caught in lies. Then I start building my wall one brick at a time. I no longer let him see all of who I am because he was secretive, deceptive and sneaky. Trust has to be rebuilt.

What happens when your focus shifts?

I no longer gave my Lord the attention I was giving Him all these years since I found the truth. The Word says that He is a jealous God. I believed that now was my time to be happy and thinking that I was saved and knowing how God heard all my cries and knew the desires of my heart, I could concentrate on being happy with someone who loved the Lord too. My priorities being shifted caused me heartache and confusion. I’m so sorry, not because it caused me heartache and confusion but because I hurt God.

There are so many people hurting from relationships or confusions of what it is they really have. If they would turn to God, pursue Him, all else would fall into place. A friend of mine was talking about the verse that says if you delight in God, He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

If you trust in the Lord and do what is right… He will answer your prayers. The answer might be a “yes” or it could be a “no” but non the less, He will answer in His timing.  Your faith and obedience will bring divine blessing.  Hebrew translation says, He will grant to you the requests of your heart. It doesn’t mean you use this verse to get what you want.  God knows your heart. You can’t truly delight in Him without having the truth in you. Once you truly delight in Him, you will forget your desires and want only what He wants for your life.  At least that is what is happening to me. See, His ways are better than ours.  It’s just admitting it to yourself and believing it and living it.

So in conclusion of my post, “Covered Up” we all cover up something that we don’t want the other person to know for fear that they will see our faults and run. Especially if we really like that person and could see something futuristic with them.  When you open yourself up and share your heart, you have just let someone in to see the real you. There is NOTHING wrong with sharing your heart, it is a sign of trusting that person.  I would say 100% of the time that person you trust will hurt you BUT you have to understand that in your search for the perfect person, there is no one perfect. Every one of us gets hurt by someone we care about. It’s what you do with your hurt.  Forgiveness and the will to start rebuilding what has been cracked is up to you.

It is just like a wound. Once you have an open wound, the healing takes place and you have a scar. Scars can be reopened but only if you ALLOW it.  When they are, you find scar tissue. Scar tissue is tough to cut through and once it heals, it becomes tougher. When someone you care about hurts you and you make the choice to stay and not run, your relationship becomes tougher. But it is up to you. Do you want to search for the perfect person and have many scars?  It is your choice. Your free will. Doing it alone and your way is what will take you longer to finding peace. The key is knowing the One who heals those hurts and can help put you back on the road to recovery.

JESUS!

Just have… “a closer walk with thee.”

If the person that has hurt you by their actions is meant to be in your life, God will convict their heart and they will try to make things right. They will grow in the Word and so will you. Who knows if when you both put your delights in God, He merges your paths because it was all in His timing.  He is the mender of all open wounds. It’s up to you if you want scars all over your heart by doing it yourself.

I forgive all the men that came before; I start now with me!

I am finding that one of the most important keys to dating success lies in not becoming The Bitter Woman. If it hasn’t happened yet, it is time to learn to love and trust the opposite sex. Leaving all your unresolved man issues at the curb. The past is the past.  It’s time to say, “I forgive all the men who came before; I start with me!” Forgiveness, I am finding just now, is lightening my load.

Not even a week ago there was a woman friend wanting a man to love her so badly that she read More >