The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

Genesis ~ an origin, creation, or beginning

My divorce was final September 16, 2010.  In a sense, it is a new beginning for my family and I.  Talk about hard! Learning who you are and what you like is no easy task.  It is really easy to fall into depression and feel sorry for yourself.  Being in a marriage for over 20 years and not having many friends taught me now, that I don’t have many friends! ha!  So, how do you find people to hang out with? What kind of “hanging out” do your friends do? Is it the type of hanging out you want to be around?

I tried Match.com and deactivated my account.  Not ready for that scene.  I did go out with some lady friends and couldn’t stay long because I wasn’t ready to be out there yet.  I have said “no” too many times that I think that is what everyone thinks my answer will be, so why ask.  I have a facebook account but that has been hard too.

I guess you could say that it is like a new birth. I am needing to heal right now (the feeding stages) and I want to just concentrate on my relationship with Jesus.  I will eventually crawl and then run. But right now I am in the infant stage. I just need to be fed the Word and let the healing begin.

Have you started a new beginning, new chapter in your life? If you have any advice I would love for you to share it with me.

Sitting at my desk, I have a jar that my son made me when he was a little boy. He is now almost grown, at seventeen, becoming his own man. I am so proud of him and the choices he is making, or having to live with and learn from. There have been plenty. I am sure you can remember some.

In this jar are little pieces of paper that he has written something on each one about how he loves me. Even though he wrote it a long time ago, I still think of that innocent love from a son to his momma. Now that he is no longer living with me, but with his Dad, I find I am alone and miss him. So, I will open my jar and read:

Mom, I think you are the prettiest mom in the whole world!

Thank you for being a great mom!

Thank you for driving me to my basketball games and practices

Thank you for being good at things like cooking.

Just to name a few. The cooking one is great. As they got older and I was working more I seemed to stop cooking as much. So, it’s good to know that when I did cook back then, it was good.  :)

One thing I didn’t think I was very good at while I was married was my cooking. My husband, at the time, was the cook and I never thought I did that great because he cooked so much better. I wonder how nice it would be to have someone eat my food now and appreciate it and tell me how delicious it is. To sit at my table and give me the attention and praise my cooking skills like I am the best cook in the world. Even if I served a bowl of ice cream, to be told how great it is as if I made it myself.  That would be special indeed.

It is something I would like my son to do for his wife. Compliment her. She will want to cook for him everyday, just to hear his praises of her. It will make her want to strive to try new things and make him a happy man. It is amazing what a smile, a genuine smile, and a compliment will do to a woman when it comes to things like cooking or cleaning the house for her man and family.

Men….take heed of this post.

Last night I went over and had fellowship with my church family at my friend’s house with the youth and adults. It was such a wonderful time watching everyone play cards and the women sit around and visit. (Well, when I got there, there were only 2 women visiting.) I had so much laughter. I haven’t been laughing much lately but last night I really laughed. My friend and I had her daughter take some pictures and me, the fun gal that I am , wanting to pose crazzzzy and her posing beautiful, as she is! Our faces in the pictures are just lit up. (I am adding them to my photos)

While waiting for my divorce to be finalized and since he has moved off the property and into his own place with my son, I have been able to do the things I wasn’t able to do, not due to physical reasons but mental. I always stayed at home and very rarely did I visit others. I rarely socialized with others like I did last night. I was always feeling guilty when it came to wanting that. My prayer was always how I wished that I could have the freedom to just be able to sing and praise God when I wanted or be able to just read the Bible and grow in the Lord when I wanted. To be around others and visit and not worry about coming home and being questioned. To put God first in my life.

I am reading a book that I found in Lifeway Bookstore when I was out the other day. When I go into a bookstore I pray that the Lord will point me to the book that I need right now. I will read the Bible and then read the book that has been chosen. The book that stood out and I knew I needed to get is “Lady in Waiting: Becoming God’s Best While Waiting for Mr. Right” Whether you know who Mr. Right is or you don’t know; whether you are married, divorced, widowed or single, this book is wonderful in making you really exam yourself. It is backed with scripture, which is what I have to have when reading something that is suppose to be like a self help book. To also be able to discern that the scripture is not being taken out of context to support what the author is writing about is VERY important. When the scriptures are given, I stop and look them up.

In this book, it is teaching me about how to put God first before any man. A lot of women are eating off paper plates while the china is in the hope chest. They are waiting for a “mate” to bring beauty to their private world. “It’s time to take out the china daily for yourself and God. A lot of women waiting for Mr. Right are waiting to be satisfied by sharing the china and crystal with a husband. We need to find satisfaction in serving the Lord FIRST. Some women put their lives on hold, waiting for some guy to come riding into her life on a white stallion. They have no china, no decent furniture, and no pictures on the walls – none of the little extra that make a house inviting.” When reading this, I realized that my walls are now bare and my furniture is mostly gone in the living room so my son can have familiar surroundings in his new home. There is such an echo in my living room but it has great acoustics for singing! I plan on going to the store tomorrow and buying pictures to hang that reflect the Lord and the furniture will come later. But no more bare walls. My home will be inviting and will reflect my heart, which is in love with Jesus! Amen!! We just might not have a lot of places to sit.

A lot of women, according to this author, cannot comprehend fullness and satisfaction without a man. They settle for the generic version of life. John 10:10, Jesus said that He came so that we might have a more abundant life. The question was asked, “Do you believe that the abundant life is only for the married woman? Do you think that a woman with a husband, two children, a nice home, and two insurance policies is more satisfied with life than you are? Life is satisfying only when you diligently serve the Lord, whatever your circumstances.

My circumstances are those of a biblical divorced woman. How can I serve the Lord diligently? Oh, I am finding SO many ways! I feel that the Lord is grooming me for Mr. Right. First, I have to be in love with Jesus and serve Him. Without Christ first, how can I have anything that will be lasting and true? How can I be the Godly woman, wife for my Mr. Right? How can I minister to those around me through song, which is my calling, if Christ isn’t first in my life? With Christ ALL things are possible. I am faith resting that.

So, last night after visiting my friend, I came home around 10:30 p.m. and the children were with friends for the fire works. I was alone with my Jesus. So, I put in some CD’s and started worshiping the Lord with my voice. I sang for almost an hour and could have gone on if my voice wasn’t becoming so tired. It was wonderful to stand there in the middle of the living room with my arms stretched out, palms open and lifted to the Lord in worship. Praise God!

Afterward I came to my computer and checked my email and saw I had a comment on EA from someone that I didn’t know. So, when I opened it up, just coming out of my worship time, the Lord spoke to me through this person. This is the comment:

“Get ready. You are fixing to be blessed abundantly.”

Praise God! I am holding onto this truth. It is such an encouragement. I will stay grounded, steadfast, obedient and committed in my walk. I have changed in the past month, the past weeks. Always growing and finding joy, even though my thoughts will sometimes become sad due to the silence I receive, I pray for comfort and peace, in Jesus name! I receive it, every time. Christ knows the desires of our hearts. Only He knows mine. No man can take that away.

Unlike the male species who claim ownership by marking their territory, after much thought I marked mine by redecorating my nest (home). Anyone who has been through a life changing event like this, knows what a major hurdle I cleared. You don’t realize it is a major hurdle until you feel from the outcome of the accomplishment, a sense of freedom. When you prayerfully do something and you feel real, real good about it, you know you did something major.

Someone mentioned not too long ago that writing seems to be a stress reliever for me. I do love writing and yes, it is a stress reliever because I can get my feelings out and maybe help or identify with someone else who is going through the same thing. Maybe you have gone through what I am going through and have advice for me? We are here to love one another but more importantly love our Lord!

Being alone with children who are teens and always with friends, I am spending a lot of time with God, my own thoughts and on this site. I shut down one of my facebook accounts, Thea Agnew, and started fresh with, Stephanie Thea. I am not going to allow my facebook to get out of hand. Getting crazy comments, etc… Facebook can be used as a tool to witness to others. It reaches millions. So by taking control, it no longer has control over me. Amen!

Life as I knew it has changed. No longer are all my children at home with me. My oldest girl is planning on moving out and then I have my 16 year old daughter who spends a lot of time with her girl friends and boy friend. My son stays with his Dad in their apartment. So, time to mark this territory and make it a reflection of what God is doing in my heart. I feel like I am heading up the mountain and instead of being winded by the climb, I am exhilarated by the growth and healing I am feeling as I move forward on this new journey.

Have a blessed day!

Do you ever wonder what your calling from God is? The ministry that He wants to use you for and one where you have to be a willing vessel? Sometimes what we think is our calling actually isn’t. We think it might be because we like doing that certain thing or we automatically have that talent. Your calling might be just that. Only you and God know. Others might see it before you do.

I know that my calling is Worship before and after the preaching. It might even be something more. I have a little story to tell and anyone that knows me, knows when I say this that it will probably be a book. LOL! I’ll try to keep it short

As a little girl, I would fall asleep to the radio playing by my bed. It was the radio that the time would flip. (Digital wasn’t in yet.) This one night I had a dream that I was standing on a stage, in a dress, and I was a “grown up”. I was singing in front of a large audience. I woke up and knew then that I was to sing when I was older. Now, fast forward….

There was a problem. I could’t sing very well. LOL! I took voice lessons for about 2 months and quit because we couldn’t really afford it. (I was about 11 years old at the time.) I took piano lessons for about a year but I had a hard time because my hands were small. (The piano was handed down to me and in my home, needing to be tuned after 11 years!) I played the trumpet for 3 years and then decided to do choir in high school. I tried out for parts but didn’t make it because I was either sharp or flat. So, during High School I was in groups and even joined a Military band as a back up singer. I also had a fear. I was scared to sing in front of people. My gosh! How can this be my calling? I’m sharp/flat and I have to turn my back to sing in front of people. It wouldn’t be anything like my dream!

So, I gave up on singing. I couldn’t do it. I have proof of what I sounded like. I even had people laugh at me when I would do a solo! It was even written in my high school yearbook from a popular girl that I could be her back up singer one day! That was devastating to me.

I got married at the young age of 18 and if you don’t know my testimony, please check that out. I had children and we were stationed with the Military in Germany. I was alone a lot and found other spouses were in the same boat I was in. So, I was invited to come to a ladies bible study. I didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to be part of any religion group. It was forced down my throat all my life. I was made to go to church every Sunday morning, sunday night, wednesday night and any time the church was open for any program or celebration. So, when I left home and started my own, I was on my terms and rules. I didn’t have to go anywhere I didn’t want to go and I didn’t go to church. I was VERY stubborn.

Well, I would look out my window and see all these women meeting in front of my apartment and walking together to their study week after week. Then one day I decided to go. It was this day that changed my life to want a relationship with Jesus, not because I was made to but because I made the decision on my own. People were always thinking for me and telling me what to do. Not anymore.

It was during my time on the “Mountain” with God that I prayed about what I was to do with my life. The “Mountain” for me was being away from family and friends who always told me what I should do and just being with Jesus. (I am finding myself there again now.) Jesus led me but I had to be willing. I was getting into the computer era and thinking that maybe I needed to go to college. My Mom told me to pick what I wanted to do and she would pay for it. So, instead of looking through college information I prayed. I prayed for God to tell me what He wanted me to do.

My answer? Sing. OMGosh! That cannot be right! I have already been turned down by groups in school, been laughed at, made fun of and it was published in the year book! Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t get away from being sharp/flat in my notes. Oh and did I mention the fear of talking and singing in public. I got out of a drama class BEFORE I had to give my assignment of public speaking. “Lord, I don’t think I heard you right!” But the answer was singing. I told my Mom and she said, “Well, you gotta pray that if the Lord is wanting you to sing, that He blesses your voice to not be sharp or flat but on key.” So, I prayed that if the Lord is REALLY wanting me to sing, to bless my voice.

It was a MIRACLE! My Mom sat in front of me at the kitchen table 2 months later and I wanted to share with her my “new” voice. When I was finished, she sat there with her mouth open and tears in her eyes and said, “I can’t believe it!”

So what did I do? Well, I thought God wanted me to sing country music! Lord, help this child of yours! You give her a voice and then she wants to take off and be a star! So, I went to the top with Nashville, sent in my demo and got in all the record labels and auditioned but it wasn’t His will for me to sing Country. Instead I started singing in Church. I was always looking for the stage that was in my dream and one day I found it. It was when I was leading worship for our Parris Praise Mission. A small group with our Pastor would travel to Parris Island, S.C. to minister to the Marines who were going through boot camp every quarter. It was here that I saw the Hand of God come down and bring every Marine to their hands and knees as I was singing. To see the Power of God come down on such strong Soldiers was overwhelming for me but I knew then that singing for the Lord is what I was to do. He gave me the voice, now use it for His purpose, His glory. Amen!

There is so much more I could say. So many different stories of how He has used me with my voice. One thing I want to end on is to tell you that whenever I would stand up to sing, I would ask the Lord to empty myself of self and fill me with His Spirit. A fire would come over me and burn in my chest and I would sing. He was there every time!

Have you found out what your calling is? Could you share it?

Well, I never thought I would be here.  I always said that I would never divorce, especially if I had children. I met my husband when I was 16 years old. I grew up into the woman I am with him by my side and apart. I was alone a lot in our marriage. Yet, I had my children to keep me busy and I had the Lord to keep me pure from anything outside of my marriage. After the first two years I thought it was over.  I went to the attorney’s and started paperwork but didn’t file. I thought it would scare him straight. It did for a little while. Then we started having children. 1991, 1993, 1994. The Military moved us around and I became a stronger, more independent woman. I learned to take care of just me and the children in a foreign country.  We didn’t have family around and we were in different time zones. I found the Lord during this time.

There were a lot of mistakes made in our marriage. Especially on TDY trips. Drinking is a very damaging addiction and I thought my love would be enough to make him want to change.  So many counseling sessions, so many tears, so many long talks, so many prayers.  After each infidelity I would become a little closer to becoming numb. I was in denial for so long and didn’t want to face the fact that I was unhappy and that he might never change.  I took our marriage vows seriously. Not wanting to give up. I am a fighter.

Over the past couple of months he started asking me questions like, “You are so unhappy, what do you want?”  I would tell him I wasn’t unhappy. He would look at me and say, “What do you want? What do you really want?” I didn’t know what to say to that. I was confused as to why he was asking me these questions. Did he want me to leave?   Then he started making comments that he didn’t think he would live past 55 years old.  Well, all this started to sink in and it made me really look at myself, our situation, the fact I didn’t trust him and the fact that he was never going to change.  So, I made the decision that it was time to see counseling again.  I told him that I thought we needed to see a counselor. He said no.  I said that I would go and see someone and he said, “Do what you have to do.”  This was enough to snap me in half.  It was like the flood gates opened and I looked back on my life and all the chances I gave.   I saw the whole path we had been on for 20 years and realized that I didn’t want to work on a marriage that was dead already.  When you don’t have trust, honesty, commitment, then the marriage vow has been broken. Yes, God can work miracles and change people but people have to want to change.

There were many good times we shared.  There were many bad times that were endured.  God got me through everything. Many nights I would sit on the bathroom floor and just cry. I wanted my husband to love me. To be romantic, sober. I wanted him to share in things I loved to do because he loved me . I needed attention. I needed to be the only woman. I wanted to die so many times. I knew I couldn’t do anything to myself because I had three children that needed me.  I often thought about me dying and what the children would go through with his drinking if I wasn’t around to protect them. Would he drink more?

I know from my writings in the past I seemed like a happy woman and that I was so in love.  We all put on the mask of happiness and I was in love with the thought of being loved unconditionally and completely. So, when things like this happen it shocks everyone because they had no idea.  With my situation, I couldn’t get help with the Military because if I said anything about his drinking or about the infidelity it would ruin his career. So, I had to keep it in. I had to endure in silence.  Sometimes I would make a friend on a duty station and be able to open up with that person but then we would move. The one that always heard, saw, felt, carried me was the Lord.

I would often pray that I wish I had a man that didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, would love only me, have eyes for only me, go to church with me, pray with me, do things with me. Only in a perfect world, right?

I never knew how long I would last in this marriage. My self esteem was VERY low. I didn’t want the children growing up without their father.  I didn’t think I was what any man would want. I couldn’t even take a bubble bath without feeling guilty for pampering myself.

It wasn’t until just recently that I realized all of this isn’t about me. The drinking, the women, the attention. Sure, I was unhappy because I wasn’t adored and the bottle and others got more attention than I but this is about him loving himself. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You need to know what love is. God can show you what that love is and how to love your spouse, how to love yourself.

So, here we are divorcing. Please keep him in your prayers because this is hard on him now. He is coming to terms with the fact that he has lost his wife because of all the things he has done. Please keep me in your prayers because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I am numb to feelings of trying to make it work. I explained to him we don’t need to save this marriage because it has been dead for years. We have just been going through the motions. Him doing his thing and me doing mine. Sure we joke and laugh and cut up but it is more of a sisterly/brotherly love.

The biggest concern has been for the children. They are 16, 17 and 18. All three want to see me happy and they understand why this is happening. They are already making plans of who will live where and how to decorate their rooms. It’s amazing how well they are taking this. But then they have been living through some hell also with the drinking.

He needs to find himself and happiness.  I need to find my happiness and no longer live behind a mask of one.

THEA’S VISION/MISSION STATEMENT

One of my life Scriptures: Matthew 5:43,44 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

We live in a world that is an instant gratification and ME generation. Loving others is being replaced with loving me, first. The hardest thing I have been asked to do is love my enemies and those who persecute me. It shouldn’t be hard but it sometimes is. My life will be to overcome and endure the persecution by loving through it. I will in turn love my enemies and my enemies will no longer be viewed as such. read More >

A Poem written by Carl Gooch.  Carl is a relative of mine and he has a couple of books in stores.

Here lately I have been thinking I was going crazy because I had so much going on and usually I can handle multi tasks.  My life was becoming chaotic and I was feeling like a heavy burden was on my shoulders, weighing me down. I have talked to multiple people on the phone who all made the same comment, “You sound down, are you ok?”

I have been taken over by the Facebook bug and couldn’t seem to get out of the 4 games I was playing. I had google alerts for 5 different topics that I wanted to keep on top of, coming to my email account 50 times a day, or so it seemed. I started a new class for my Real Estate and then was looking into getting my associates in Psychology. Making sure kids are doing what they are suppose to and going to all the games. Whew! I’m tired just writing it all down. Reading it makes my chest fill tight again. BREATHE! read More >

Remember being young, possibly racing to the only dandelion you saw, hoping to beat your brother or sister? I do.

You pick this dandelion that is white and fluffy with seeds and try to be really careful not to let the wind cause any part of your masterpiece to disappear.

The thrill of being the breath that will losen, release the seeds to fly away with the wind made me a fast runner. I won!

Gently, pulling it from it’s warm bed, I would bring it to my mouth, enhale a deep breath and softly blow till the puffy white was all gone.

Where do the seeds fly to? It never entered my mind.

Something happened with the finality of my ‘Angel Girl’ dying last week. It was and still is hard to grasp that at 1:26 a.m. she was no longer with us. As my daughter said, “She exhaled”. Her last breath became part of the air I breathed. What is left of her? Pictures, a grave to visit daily, memories in my mind and that my family shares. She didn’t have puppies. Nothing from her physically, viewed, lived on. Just a hole in our hearts.

Your life… read More >

I hope that you all had a safe and great New Year’s Eve celebration. Our’s wasn’t that great. My 16 year old son wanted to stay out late with his friends to ring in the new year.  We called the police station to see if the curfew changed for the teenagers because of New Year’s Eve.  The station said an Officer would call us back.  He did and told us that the curfew didn’t change and that he has teens that he will not allow to even be on the road on this night.  He said there would be a lot of drunks and he just doesn’t trust the other drivers with his children on the road.

So, we had our son come home and tried to tell him that he couldn’t be out past 11 pm.  It started a really bad argument and that is what we were all doing as the New Year rang in!  My 18 year old daughter was crying because it might just be her last new years eve with us before starting out on her own and I felt like CRAP!  I was the first to hug and kiss her though! I tried to make some positive come out of the situation but it was hard.

Have any of you had a hard time with your teenage son? He is taller than me and it was hard to get through to him. If I tried to talk, he would stop me in mid sentence by getting louder and just not listening. I got on my facebook and put the question out and got some really good advice, like, find out the facts about what happens if your child calls the police or if you do because you are having a hard time being the one in control.  I will do an update to let you know what I have found.

Have any of you had a son or daughter that would threaten calling the police if they were getting their way?  What did you do? He has threatened to leave the house when we have told him to stay put. Do you call the police when that happens or do you just let them go?  I have so many questions and I will be the first to say that even though I offer advice on this site, I still need it myself. Ever learning, ever growing!

Merry Christmas from my family to yours! Enjoy your day with the ones you love or remembering them if they aren’t able to be with you.

I got up early this morning due to a cold I have been fighting. Early, as in 4:30 a.m. and everyone is still sleeping. There was a time when I would be in bed and little feet would run into the bedroom and jump on our bed, waking us up yelling, “Santa came!” That was when they were 4, 5, and 6 years old. Here they are 15, 16, 17 and sleeping all snug in their bed, away from the coldness I am feeling on my toes as I sit by the fire.

Now I am the one running in bedrooms and yelling, “Santa came!” How the roles change, huh?!

Have a Merry Christmas! Oh, and “SANTA CAME!!!!!”

Yes, we are entering another year, 2010, and this will be the year of my big 40!

Here I am, 39 years old and I feel like I am 25! Why is that?  Our mind doesn’t seem to catch up with our body.  The other day I was looking at pictures of me holding a microphone and I saw my Mom’s hand.  I was kind of shocked. My hands didn’t look young like I am seeing in my 18 year old.

Looking back from the line of 40 that is drawn in the sand, my favorite decade has been my 30’s. My teen years I would never want to relive again! So many bad experiences. But a few good things came out of it too. I met my husband at the age of 16. I got engaged and graduated high school at the age of 17 and married at the age of 18. 19 was a rough year being married and learning how to be a, not only a wife but a Military Spouse and not relying on my relatives but my husband.

My 20’s were full of mixed emotions. I had our children at ages 21, 22, 23. At 24-27 I learned how to be a married single mom. My husband was deployed and always gone while we were in Germany. Relatives were no where around to help. I couldn’t just get in my car and drive 5 hours to see them. At 27 years old I re-dedicated my life to Christ and He blessed me with a voice to sing. 28-29 was a rough patch for me. I found out that one of my children had been molested, which devastated me! I went into depression but refused to take medicine for it. I used food as my comfort and gained a lot of weight. I was really down on myself for not being able to protect my child. Her and I went to therapy together for a year, which seemed to help. So, my 20’s were years of growing and trying to find direction after seeing how I handled the years before!

Have you been there? Wondering, as you look around the house and see little ones running everywhere, is there something more I am suppose to be doing with my life?  Not realizing that being a mother is one of the most important “jobs” anyone could ever have in life! It doesn’t pay much physically but it does fulfill mentally. The fruit of your labor will show in years to come and you will see just how important being a mother is. But it doesn’t stop when they aren’t little and depending on you anymore.  They will need you more than ever in the teen years, when you think that now is the time to get out and work because they are busy doing their own thing. Not so! It would be great to get a job during the hours they are in school but the hours after school are the most important ones! I knew this from when I was a teen and I had a working mom. So, if I got on one of my kicks to go out and find a job, I made sure it was during school hours or at home, otherwise I wouldn’t be working for very long.

Turning 30 was the hardest age for me.  I remember going to the doctor for that yearly check up and sitting there talking to the doctor. I had started to break out like never before and I was over weight. I told the doctor, “I’m depressed, I have acne, I’m over weight and I need you to check my blood for cancer and I turned 30!” I thought I was falling apart. I really was a mess. I hadn’t been in church for over 3 years at the time and it showed, to me. I mean not too long ago I had re-dedicated my life and was part of a women’s bible study and now it looked like I was falling apart!  The kids were getting older and not needing me to entertain them. So, what was I doing with my life? These were the “try everything” years. My poor husband.  He was so supportive though. I think I tried every stay-at-home job I could find. I had friends that would support me also with every new adventure. I just couldn’t find the right thing I was to do.

I worked at Red Lobster as a waitress for the first time. But the hours were not good for the family. I always wanted to try it and I am glad I did. I now know how to tip! They work really hard for below minimum wage or at least it was then. I had the chance to work for LifeWay Christian bookstore but I turned it down because I was now going to church and having to leave every quarter to sing for the Marines at Parris Island. I had my own daycare, Weeble Wobbles Daycare, in our home. I also, later, worked for the elementary school my children were attending. That was a blessing for me.  I then worked for a local bank for a year and decided to become a Realtor. I have been doing that going on 5 years now.  Singing was a big part of my 30’s. I tried hard to make it in the industry but it just wasn’t meant to be. I had so many people that stood behind me and cheered me on and it is part of my life I will always cherish. I will never have the regret either! That is important.  Don’t ever give up or not try cause otherwise you will be flirting with 40 and wondering why you didn’t try.  It’s never too late to try, even if you are past the 40 mark.

I think I might be in denial about 40 though. I just can’t believe it.  I remember when my Mom was 40. I am actually looking forward to this part of my life! This will be the times that I am going to write my book and be a published writer.  I will one day be a Grandma! I cannot wait for that! I will be able to mentor women and grow more in the Lord. I am just very excited about what the Lord has in store for me.

So, have you gone through your 40 year mark? Tell me about how it went for you and what you learned…

We all have to recall a story this time of the year. You know, the crazy Christmas you had way, way back when?  I have a short story I would love to share. If you have one that will make us laugh or cry, please take a chance and share part of your life with us.

I don’t know…many of you might not know this site exists.

Once upon a time, in a land far away…ok, across the ocean…in Hawaii, my Dad and Mom would always go to a Military Christmas Ball on Christmas Eve.  I was probably around seven years old and my brother was five.  (Let me just put out there, first, that I was a bad little girl that year.) We had a sixteen year old babysitter come and watch us while our parents went out to enjoy the time with adults.  Our tree was big and there was a zillion gifts under the tree that year.  When it was around our bedtime, my brother and I yelled for the babysitter and sat down next to the tree and all the presents.  We told her that our Mom and Dad doesn’t just let us open 1 present before bedtime on Christmas eve but all of them.  She didn’t believe us at first but somehow I was able to convince her that it was true and they would be mad if they got home and it wasn’t just that way!  I remember opening all those presents and my brother and I being so excited about what we got.  I opened a my first jewelry box. I can still see it to this day. When I opened it, the ballerina would twirl to the music. We didn’t clean up before we went to bed but we did stay up awhile before sleep took over.

Now, imagine coming home after a wonderful night out with your spouse and finding wrapping paper all of the living room and toys scattered from being played with!  Mom told me about that night not too long ago and how they yelled at the babysitter for allowing that to happen. (Babysitter, if you are reading this and you were at Scholfield Barracks in 1976-79, I am really sorry I talked you into doing that and getting you in trouble.)

What did my parents do?

It was early Christmas morning and I got my brother and we ran downstairs to play with our gifts and what to our wondering eyes appear…NOTHING! All the presents were gone! We had been ROBBED! We searched all over and couldn’t find them.  We went to our parents bedroom to tell them but before we woke them, we looked under their bed and that is where ALL of our toys and gifts were.  They both talked to us and told me, especially, that it was wrong what I did lying to the babysitter. I’m sure I had to apologize to her then but I don’t remember, so just in case, if you are out there, I am sorry.

That is one crazy Christmas recall I will never forget!

Do you have one…think back…something that makes you laugh or cry? Tell us your story by hitting – submit a story!

The other morning I came across the words “lowly” and “servanthood”.  Reading the Bible I find that it is a characteristic that would actually help me and others. To strive for, to be a servant of Christ.  I, for one, am interested and desire the characteristics of Christ. Currently I am doing a workbook study on “The Mind of Christ”.   The word “servant” has a negative implication for me when it came up.  I mean, reading those two words, lowly and servanthood, sound like you are being a doormat and serving others and treated badly. I immediately felt my heart fall because I know this is one area I have a problem with. I started getting sad right away. I like to be happy and I like to make people laugh. Being a servant and being lowly don’t sound like a way to be happy or does it?

In Phil. 2:7 it says Jesus “made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant”.  A Christlike characteristics to becoming a servant is being lowly. Woah there!  Lowly?  Why would I want to be lowly? There are  a couple of reasons to not wanting to be lowly. The first is not knowing what it means and the second would be pride.  I mean, if you think about it, pride has been around since Adam and Eve in the garden!  God despises the proud, but He dwells on the lowly.  *Lowliness does not mean belittling yourself. Rather, it means esteeming others.

Ok, fast forward….I am laying in bed flipping through channels around 10:30 at night and come across Joyce Meyer Ministries.  I rarely ever watch t.v. but this night I turned it on and was searching for something to entertain my mind.  Joyce was talking about depression.  We all have something to be depressed about, seriously. If you really want to get down, then you can find something to make you sad and if you dwell on it, you will stay there.  Well, she made a really interesting observation on how to get out of depression without medication.  It is esteeming others! Imagine that.

To becoming lowly, I need to esteem others. Now that is not hard or discouraging like I thought.  I know I can do that. If we all desired and put some effort into esteeming others wouldn’t the world be a better place?  When you lift others up, some might not be very receptive to it at first, but when you truly mean it and the smile on your face is genuine, people notice and can’t help but smile back or if they don’t, they will eventually.

So if you find yourself depressed right now, find someone that you can esteem.  You will find that not only does it make that person feel better, it will make you feel better because your mind will be off of yourself and your problems and on someone else.

We would love to hear your stories of experiencing the characteristic of being lowly. Tell us how you have esteemed others around you. We would love to hear your ideas.

*The Mind of Christ  by T.W. Hunt and Claude King pg. 21

It’s the countdown to my husbands retirement. October 23rd he had his retirement ceremony, which was awesome having both sides of the family there. He will be going on 24 years of service with the U.S. Army and his time has come to an end.  I am blessed that he has made it through all his deployments!  We celebrated our 20th anniversary, three days before his retirement and I have learned so much and grown so much as a military spouse.

When we married back in 1989, I was a dependent of a military Officer. I have always moved every 3 years and loved to always try a new area. Marrying into the military was absolutely what I wanted.  To keep traveling and meeting new people and setting up home where ever the Army sent us.  It was somewhat of a challenge going from being the dependent child to the spouse.

I was 18 years old when I married my husband. He was an Private stationed at Ft. Rucker, AL.  We were there during the Gulf War but he never had to deploy due to his job and where he was at.  The time did come for him to have a one year hardship tour.  Honduras.  We found out 1 month before he left that I was pregnant with our first child. He missed the pregnancy but was home for her birth, only to leave 3 weeks later to return. He didn’t come home until she was 6 months old.  So, I was 21 years old and raising our first child together, alone. I had to grow up quickly.  At 22 years of age, we had our second child in San Antonio, TX. Then at 23 years of age, we had our third child in Ft. Hood, TX.  When our last one was 2 months old, I found myself alone with 2 toddlers and an infant, 3 car seats, 5 pieces of luggage, 2 dogs and 2 crates on a plane to Germany to meet my husband for our 3 year tour.  Talk about being alone!  This time in my life was the time that I came across women who wore their husbands rank and looked down at me.  This is the time when I learned that we had to overlook those things and get along because we were all that we had when it came for help and staying sane. Our husbands were gone to field duty exercises and Bosnia.

When he came home we were on our way out of Germany to Ft. Rucker, AL for a couple of years and then to Ft. Campbell, KY where we are now and retiring.

During my time as a Military Spouse, I have enjoyed all the travels.  I’ve been to France, Switzerland, Poland, Italy, Germany, Alabama, Texas, Kentucky and he has been to Bosnia, Honduras, Iraq, Qatar, Afghanistan and so much more.  One thing I never got was a shrunk or coo coo clock or grandfather clock.  I did get my pottery and crystal though.  I made a lot of friends and one, Angela, that I met in Germany, followed us from Germany to Ft. Rucker to live one street over from us for a couple of years and then to Ft. Campbell.  I’ve watched her kids grow and join the military and she has watched mine grow.  Her husband is retiring next year too!  This world is really a small world.

Some things I won’t miss are the deployments, the TDY trips and field training exercises. The rumors that sometimes turned out to be true from those trips. Being a military spouse is really a hard job. You find yourself alone a lot and having to take care of everything. Then he comes home and takes back those responsibilities, which kind of upset the flow of things. It is very hard to have to take control and then give it back.  Many spouses find it hard to cope with deployments but my hands were always full with our children.  My friends and I would plan on the meals for thanksgiving, Christmas, easter, etc…  It was hard but at least we had each other.

So now the choices of retirement.  I have no idea what it is going to be like as a “civilian”. He got his job in the civilian world the day of his retirement ceremony and he will be with the guys at his current unit, which is wonderful for him! Today was a day of figuring out insurance, dental, medical, making those decisions and fedEx’ing them back to the company. His hair is longer than I have ever seen in since I met him in 1987. He has a beard! I will have to post a picture of the werewolf!

If you are already retired from the Military, send me some advice, if you have any. I would love to read it, learn from it.

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations.  The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days!  I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.  Great stories.  But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by!

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder, almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy!). By the way, she was one of the many people who attempted to do that.

My yard couldn’t take it either.  I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

Happy Holidays!!! J

Posted with permission of: Kate Matties

Yes, I say “Our” because their spouses are doing something for us.

It is a very hard life and can be so rough on a marriage when the spouse is gone for over a year and then comes home to find out in the next few months when he or she will be going back for another tour.  I have seen the hardship first hand and I was speaking with a friend tonight who had it placed on her heart to try and help the families, to let them know she is here for them.

Do these families need encouragement and an ear for someone to listen? I believe they do.  But where are they going to go to get it? Will it be online or would it be at church or out with the girls or guys?  I know when my husband was deployed, we lived on base and the women came together with a Bible study group named P.W.O.C. Protestant Women of the Chapel.  I would help babysit when the Catholics had their C.W.O.C.  It was a place to come together and pray and learn and allow the Father to listen and heal their hearts and grow in the Word.  The Lord is our strength.  I was involved for three years while he was gone on and off. It was like a sisterhood.  A place of refuge.  Would a bible study be the place you would go or maybe a coffee once a week?

Do you know a place where our families who have spouses on hardship tours can go to get encouragement? If so, please let me know… others are reading who might not want to write in and by those who do, they see something familiar and will go. Whether it is online or in our community, please don’t be silent about what you know.

As I lay my head on the pillow tonight, I will be praying for the marriages of our Military and the children without their parent.

Blessings to all.

What?

I’ll say it again…life is about rules.

There are rules to a football game, rules to a job or you’ll be fired, rules in school, rules for driving.

We follow these rules because of our wants and desires.  Living Holy has rules too.  These rules aren’t to make you unhappy but to help aide you in the quest for holiness.  You have choices and are free to make them.  Standards aren’t to take freedom from you but help you live free.

For example.  I am 39 years old and I have 3 teenagers.  I see the stage they are in, each one of them, and remember that age. I remember thinking almost exactly like my oldest daughter, so when I see her going down the road I went, I want to tell you the shortcut because I know it now. That way she won’t have to take the long route.  Well, that is how it is with God’s standards.  He see’s the big picture of our life and the Word is our road map.  If we decide not to be obedient and follow the directions, then we will be on some bumpy ground.

Like my daughter hearing my advice to make life easier for her, she wants to be in control of her choices. It’s hard to give up control and stay on the right path.  This control is really a false sense.  We aren’t in control of our life, really.  We just choose which road to take when we are given a choice. In a sense we are in control of our choices.  We really aren’t free, we have just been told over and over again that we are.  I think of the movie, “He’s Just Not that into You” when at the beginning of the movie it shows that a little girl is treated really badly by a boy she was being nice to.  She runs to her mom and tells her through her tears that she is hurt. The mom then tells the little girl that the boy was mean to her because he likes her. What did that teach that little girl? That whenever a man is mean to her, that means he likes her. When we are told things we tend to believe it.  Being free without Christ is one of them.

We are all in bondage until we give our life to Christ.

Maybe we have lost faith? Faith in putting ourselves in the hands of our Creator.  If this is the case, we become our own God.  Someone that knows better. Why else wouldn’t we put our faith and trust in Christ? We think we can do better because we don’t have faith.

Forget that a certain religion has standards.  This is YOUR life! To live holy, what standards must there be to help YOU?

What is faith? Read Hebrews 11.

Something to meditate on…

In people’s selfish ambitions to be more, get more, etc… our world changes.

In this day and time, change has happened to make life easier so we are lazier, heavier and our morals are dying with the ages.  There is more selfishness to make one’s life easier.  When it’s distancing one farther away from righteousness.

What is “righteousness”?  It is living right.  That is how I remember it. To help you live “right” requires obedience to the Lord.

How can these selfish ambitions and obedience live together?  Selfish ambition leads to death, obedience leads to life.

Righteousness is living right. Once you find yourself being obedient to the Word, next would come sanctification. read More >

Alright, how many of you have been to a Bible study?  Did you like it?  I was involved with Bible studies from 1995 until 3 years ago. I haven’t been to church except maybe 3 times in the past 3 years.  Why?

Well, I just don’t want me or my family to get hurt again or get in the wrong frame of mind.  ”Get in the wrong frame of mind”? How can you get in the wrong frame of mind by going to church?  Very easily. read More >