The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

Hi Thea!

I want to ask you how did you deal with your pain?  I understand that you mentioned that the Lord carried you through the pain but in what way?  Did you pray all the time or over one particular scripture over and over again?   I am going through the same situation.   Someone hurt me deeply from church due to gossip and I really enjoyed going there every Sunday, even alone at that!  Now it’s just one of those hesitant decisions I come across every Sunday morning, wondering if I’m going to run into that person or any of the friends that know about the situation which is very awkward regardless.  I wouldn’t really have an issue with it if a majority of the church didn’t know about it and made their decision to choose her side because she does a great deal of serving.  It seems that because of her volunteering, her gossip was excusable.  I hate bringing all of this into light, I just feel a bit cast aside.  And although I believe deep within my heart that God will never leave me and hear all my crying and prayers, it’s still a stab into my heart that lingers and it can’t seem to go away.  It’s been several months and I just want to get to a place where I don’t feel as I’ve done something wrong and I don’t deserve to serve the Lord at that church.  I’ve even considered trying to find another church but it’s so unbearable to start my healing somewhere else.  I’ve prayed about it consistently and even had others do the same for me and don’t know what to ask anymore in my prayers.  I appreciate your story and helping me feel a bit at ease knowing that I’m not the only one that has felt this way.   May God bless you abundantly and thanks again for sharing your story  :)

I am so sorry for your pain. Believe me when I say you are not alone. God hears your cries and catches every one of your tears and puts it in a bottle. I am going through another storm of gossiping about me right now that is ALL over the city I live in. Gossip is something that the Bible talks about, as I am sure you already know. The fact this woman, who serves in the church, has told things about you that are false should tell you something. You and I aren’t judging this woman but seeing that the fact she is spreading false accusations means she isn’t where she needs to be. She needs our prayers. The thing that I always say out loud to myself and God when things like this happens is:

Jesus, this person is messing with Your child.  You said that vengeance is yours and I am asking you to take care of this for me. I can’t do anything more than what You could do. I am hurt by these words, convict him/her to stop and let them see the error of their ways. Please allow this person to feel the hurt I have in my heart.  I pray that if they are truly a child of Yours that You will take care of it the best way that only You know how. I will just screw it up. I know if they truly have a heart for you, they will be convicted and come to me to make things right. If they don’t have a heart for you God, then what else can I expect from someone who doesn’t know You, live for You, love You?  Help me to forgive them.

Now about you moving your seat from this church to another….I would first want to ask you if you have spoken to your Pastor about this?  The Pastor needs to know what is going on with his flock.  He has been called to this position from God and holds a very high responsibility looking after His sheep. It sounds like there is already division in your church and your Pastor needs to be made aware of it, if he doesn’t already know. Otherwise how can there be growth as a whole?

The next thing I would suggest is to pursue God. Pursue means to chase & capture. When you are in pursuit of something with the goal of capture in mind, you will be amazed at what will happen in your walk with God.  Take your focus off your pain.  Jesus took a lash from the cattail that was made out of glass that day He was crucified and that lash was for all your pain you have felt, feel and will feel. He took it for YOU. It’s already taken care of.  You just have to believe it. God has a big bottle, every tear you shed is going in it.  He has a book, and He’s writing down your prayers, and He tells of your wanderings.  He knows all about what’s going on.  He’s heard you the many times you sought Him over one particular need.  After awhile that bottle becomes full and He has to do something about it. Just one more tear may do it.

Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.  James 5:13

It’s obvious that your affliction hasn’t moved overnight.  You hope it will be taken care of NOW but for some reason, count it joy Sister, He sees you and is allowing this to happen to you.  He is building your faith and bringing you closer to Him.  Forget that this person has wronged you and thank God that He has allowed it to happen because you are seeking Him.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.  Hebrews 10:36

I will be praying for you and if you would like to talk more, please email me.  I would also suggest you getting the book, Prayer by Verbal Bean.

Dear Thea,
I have been going to court for assault since July. I have two warrents out for him and they (police) do nothing. I asked for a restraining order but they (court) says I can’t have one.
I went to court for the third time today and still he got the trial date pushed back for another 30 days.
The man is a construction worker in town so he knows a lot of people, (good o’boy thing).
I feel like I am the one getting punished when he is the one who grabbed me.
Now, after today, I can not even go to the gas station next to my house because his so called witneses work there. And today after I walked out of the court room, he was waiting for me with his wife and the two ladies from the gas station, and they all started saying stuff to me and nobody would do anything about it. This was right outside the court room.
As I left the building they followed me out and the wife came to my car and stood behind me. And still, nothing is done.
What is wrong with the system, when a woman gets assaulted and the man gets away with everything?

Thank you for writing in. It sounds like you are in between a rock and a hard place.  It almost looks like harrassment too. Especially when they are following you to your car! It sounds like you need a restraining order on all of them to me! Have you hired a lawyer or gone to one to seek legal advice? If you are a Military spouse, have you gone to Jag?  You want to see an attorney to make sure that your legal rights are being protected. It could help with your frustration.

Sometimes our legal system seems very shady and when you are someone that is well known, if this man is, then it just adds to the frustration when no one is listening to you and doing anything about it.  What I don’t understand is, if this man has two warrants out for him, why nothing is being done?

I’ve researched “restraining order” and found that it tells the person who may be hurting you to stop hitting, threatening, or harming you in any way. It can also order the person to stay away from you, to move out of your home, our to stop coming to your home. It can also give you temporary custody of your children, though it cannot be used only for this purpose. The person can be arrested if he/she threatens or physically hurts you, or contacts you or comes near you when the restraining order says he/she is not allowed to do so.

I have seen that sometimes, a restraining order won’t protect you.  If he/she wants to hurt you, they will ignore it. What is your purpose for the restraining order? If the judge does not grant the restraining order, try to find out why. There may be an error in your papers that you can correct. If you believe that you are still in danger, you may want to call your local domestic violence program for help.

I am not a legal expert. If you find that you are in danger, please contact the local police or your local domestic violence center. A women’s center has legal experts to help also.  If you find that you are not getting the help that you feel you should be getting, get an attorney.  It would be worth it in the end.

Dear Thea,

My husband and I have been married for 18 years now and we have 2 teenagers who are no longer staying home like they did when they were little.  I have been finding myself alone with my husband and I am worried.  What will it be like when the kids really leave?  What do we have in common?  When the kids are out with their friends, we look like two older people that are into separate things.  He sits in his recliner watching sports and I sit reading a book.  I want to get out of this rut.  Any advice on possibly having a date night?

Thank you for your help

Daring to Date

Thank you for your question.  I did a lot of research on this topic and it is really good to start a “date night” if you haven’t already.  A lot of married couples that reach the 20 to 25 year of marriage mark find themselves in a read More >

My husband just left today for his third deployment, but my first, and I’m finding myself moping around the house. I’ll be fine for awhile, then all in a sudden reality will sink in and I get upset again. I know tomorrow is a whole new day and I’m hoping to start it fresh and get a new routine set in. But what did you do the first day your husband was gone? Did you try to work? Did you feel better after a few days?

Thanks
Mary Ann

Dear Mary Ann,

I know it is hard! Being a Military Spouse is not an easy life. This being your first deployment, it’s great that you are seeking the advice from another Military Spouse and there might be some out there reading this that can give you steps that helped them in the comment section, so check back! Until then…

For me, we are going on 20 years of Military wedding bliss, the first deployment was horrible. I’m kind of a drama queen anyway, so the first day was worse than any other day I can remember. I felt like there was a death. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again. Did I tell him everything that I wanted to tell him or did I get enough kisses and hugs? When he was packing I was sure to hide little notes in his socks, in his underwear, shirts, etc… so that when he started unpacking where ever he was, he would be greeted with a little something from me. I know this might sound gross but I didn’t want to wash his pillow because it still had his scent on it. I asked him to take a picture frame I bought that would allow recording and speak something special in it for me only, that when I was missing him I could push the button and hear his voice. I cried on and off until I couldn’t cry anymore. It was all due to my fears of never seeing him again and just missing my other half!

What really helped me? Screaming as I cried! I mean getting mad and yelling as I cried. I did this for about 5 minutes and it really helped me get it out. After the first day, you start getting into your new routine, doing the things he did and learning to be by yourself or be both Mom and Dad. You will have your moments half way through and then you will change because now it is countdown till the time he walks through those hanger doors!

So, in closing, the first day, for me, was cry and get it all out. I screamed in my pillow, cried till my eyes were swollen. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t work and I had little ones, so I had to scream in the pillow after they were asleep for their nap. They caught me a couple of times crying but I would let them know the truth, that mommy was sad and it is ok to cry when your sad. I would say this as I was cleaning myself up and thinking, “Get it together!”

You seem to be a strong person and I think you will be just fine. Let nature take it’s course and don’t stop yourself if you feel you have to cry. It is a good release for stress. So is exercise! Don’t become secluded but stay active with your husband’s unit and FRG. I hope this helped and if you need anyone to talk to, I am here.

Dear Thea,

I am in a dilemma. I breast fed my children and lost weight. I have gone down in my cup size and my breasts are not attractive to me. I have been thinking about getting implants but I am kind of scared. My Mom had them and the silicone leaked and she had them removed. That was years ago though. I know that if I do, then I will have to keep having them done. So my question is should I do it? What are the pros and cons?

Saggy Sue

Hi Sue,
The best thing for you to do now is make an informed decision. I would make an appointment with a plastic surgeon that you have researched and found that his/her quality of work is what you like. Usually the appointment costs approximately $100 but ask if that can be applied to your bill, if you decide to proceed. The doctor will share with you what size he/she thinks would be best for your build, check the elasticity and allow you to feel the two different types of implants. They will go over the pros and cons with you, since they have the degree and expertise in this field.

I have spoken with a lot of my friends who have had the surgery and they all love it and if they had to do it over again, would. The surgery was a little painful. The one thing that keeps coming up is the way the chest feels afterward, “Like an elephant is sitting on me.” I did some research and one of the pros would be the fact that you would be getting something corrected. It’s no different, to me, than having a tummy tuck. There is excess skin that needs to be removed and you want a flat tummy. Well, you have breasts that have “fallen” due to weight loss and breast feeding. You want them lifted and filled out. Now, there are exercises, I am sure, that would help lift you but not to the extent that having breast implants would. This procedure usually lasts about one hour with recovery and you go home that day.

As with any surgery there could be complications but discuss this with the surgeon. I wish you the best and let me know what you decide! Sorry but I can’t post any before or after photos.

(For those that have experienced this procedure and have advice for Sue, please share your thoughts in the comments. It just might help someone else out there.)