The single woman, in our day and time, usually is diligent and faithful in going after her man, only to find disappointment and pain. What does this have to do with security? A lot to be honest. The woman who “hunts for her man” is one who is actually insecure.
In the book of Ruth we see our epitome of a “Lady in Waiting”. Ruth had a totally different approach.
And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.
Ruth 3:10-11 KJV
Ruth was a single woman who was widowed. She had to have experienced the loneliness, longings for the warmth of a husband. To know the pain of losing someone dear and wanting someone to love her. But she lived in victory over the desire to “man hunt.” Instead of “going after the boys,” she sat still and let God bring her prince to her.
Since my divorce, I have not “man hunt.” I have not gone out to look for other men. Sure, I have looked at facebook profiles but that was as far as I went. I have had men come to me, email me, facebook me, and ask me out but I haven’t felt the desire to do any of that. I had my own reasons why I didn’t go out with anyone. I do know what it’s like to feel the loneliness and wanting the warmth of a husband but I know those things will be satisfied when God finishes with the man I am to be with and finishes with me so that I am what that man needs.
I remember at one time thinking, if I was single I could give all my attention to the Lord. But that was before I divorced and thought I didn’t want a man and I didn’t need someone to hold me if I was sad or hold my hand walking in a park. I was hurt by man. When reality hits, your thoughts change. I am ashamed to admit that. But I am only human. So, in my singleness I am realizing that I need to find that relationship with God and let Him prepare the man and give him the vision of me as his future.
While He is preparing him, He will be preparing me and I will learn how to put God first in all things. It is hard to give it up when you have been in control your whole life. I come from a strong line of women who were in control and did what they had to, to survive. But God gives us the choice between His plans and ours.
Learning from Ruth, she could not have possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince. Neither can you with your limited vision see who or where your prince will be. Only God has all things in view. One of the keys is surrendering the terrible burden of always needing life on your terms. Don’t look back one day and regret that you made your “life mate” choice from a limited perspective because you longed for security of a relationship. I am preaching to myself here, ladies!
So, why does a woman tend to “go after the guys”? Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? I have found the answer to be in one word: insecurity. An insecure woman has her world centered on something or someone that can be lost or taken away. Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can.
Insecurity causes you to cling to a relationship. You feel a lack of confidence unless you have a man. When he is not with you, you fear he will not come back or call again. You want him to make a commitment so you will not lose him. You want all his time and attention. All your dreams, plans, and goals revolve around him. Insecurity in a relationship can cause jealousy and bickering. It makes you lose your confidence when he looks at another woman. You want to know his plans and with whom he spends his time. You don’t want him to be around other interesting or attractive women; you feel threatened when he is.
When he hurts or disappoints you, you can be upset for days. You live with the fear of doing the wrong thing and losing him. You constantly feel the need to “define” your relationship and talk about your love for each other. You feel that you must show your love for him in greater and greater ways.
Insecurity fills the relationship with frustration and worry. Why do women feel they have to go after men? Many women have believed a lie. They think, “I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me.” What do you think would have been the outcome of Ruth’s life if she had chosen to believe this lie?
Women tend to struggle with insecurity because of the unique way God created us. God made every little girl with the need to love and be loved by her earthly father. God designed His world with a picture of a family as the theme. The father protects, loves, and cares for his wife and their children. The ideal earthly father models the gentle, nurturing love of the heavenly Father. Many young women in our society did not have a father who followed God’s design. This God-given need for a father’s love caused a deficit in their lives.
As a little girl, you may remember feeling the desire to be cherished, loved, and accepted by your daddy. If he failed to show that love to you in God’s way, perhaps you continued to search for a man who would. No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love. Only Jesus who “is the same yesterday and today, and forever,” will never disappoint or fail you (Hebrews 13:8)
There was a women who asked the question, “What can I do to get him to notice me?” Note carefully the advice Elisabeth Elliot gave her.
“My answer is ‘nothing.’ That is, nothing toward the man. Don’t call him. Don’t write a little note with a smiley face or a flower or fish under the signature and put it in his campus mailbox. Don’t slide up to him in the hall and gasp, ‘I’ve just got to talk to you!’ Don’t look woebegone, don’t ignore him, don’t pursue him, don’t do him favors, don’t talk about him to nine carefully selected listeners.”
There is one thing you can do: turn the whole business over to God. If he’s the man God has for you, ‘…No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly’ (Ps. 84:11). Direct your energies to obedience, not to nailing the man. God has His own methods of getting the two of you together. He doesn’t need any help or advice from you. The word nothing is a little does of reality that will help you constantly check your motives whenever relating to a guy. This is not saying you can’t do nice things for a man; it is simply a warning to check your motives.
To become a lady of security and to build security in your life, spend time in God’s Word. Proverbs 1:33 says to listen to God and live securely. As you do, you will find out what God is really like, what His character is, not just what you think or have heard He is like. By spending time in God’s Word, you will also learn what God thinks of you. In 1 Peter 2:4, God says you are a choice and precious to Him. He calls you precious, honored, loved, and His redeemed one in Isaiah 43:1-6. Isaiah 43:7 says you were created for His glory. You are very special to God, so special that He has plans for you: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Do not allow insecurity to motivate you to maneuver or manipulate your relationships. Instead of hunting for a husband or boyfriend, concentrate on becoming a woman of excellence (Ruth 3:11) As a lady of security, wait for your heavenly Father to bring about His perfect plans for you.
