The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

Hi Thea!

I want to ask you how did you deal with your pain?  I understand that you mentioned that the Lord carried you through the pain but in what way?  Did you pray all the time or over one particular scripture over and over again?   I am going through the same situation.   Someone hurt me deeply from church due to gossip and I really enjoyed going there every Sunday, even alone at that!  Now it’s just one of those hesitant decisions I come across every Sunday morning, wondering if I’m going to run into that person or any of the friends that know about the situation which is very awkward regardless.  I wouldn’t really have an issue with it if a majority of the church didn’t know about it and made their decision to choose her side because she does a great deal of serving.  It seems that because of her volunteering, her gossip was excusable.  I hate bringing all of this into light, I just feel a bit cast aside.  And although I believe deep within my heart that God will never leave me and hear all my crying and prayers, it’s still a stab into my heart that lingers and it can’t seem to go away.  It’s been several months and I just want to get to a place where I don’t feel as I’ve done something wrong and I don’t deserve to serve the Lord at that church.  I’ve even considered trying to find another church but it’s so unbearable to start my healing somewhere else.  I’ve prayed about it consistently and even had others do the same for me and don’t know what to ask anymore in my prayers.  I appreciate your story and helping me feel a bit at ease knowing that I’m not the only one that has felt this way.   May God bless you abundantly and thanks again for sharing your story  :)

I am so sorry for your pain. Believe me when I say you are not alone. God hears your cries and catches every one of your tears and puts it in a bottle. I am going through another storm of gossiping about me right now that is ALL over the city I live in. Gossip is something that the Bible talks about, as I am sure you already know. The fact this woman, who serves in the church, has told things about you that are false should tell you something. You and I aren’t judging this woman but seeing that the fact she is spreading false accusations means she isn’t where she needs to be. She needs our prayers. The thing that I always say out loud to myself and God when things like this happens is:

Jesus, this person is messing with Your child.  You said that vengeance is yours and I am asking you to take care of this for me. I can’t do anything more than what You could do. I am hurt by these words, convict him/her to stop and let them see the error of their ways. Please allow this person to feel the hurt I have in my heart.  I pray that if they are truly a child of Yours that You will take care of it the best way that only You know how. I will just screw it up. I know if they truly have a heart for you, they will be convicted and come to me to make things right. If they don’t have a heart for you God, then what else can I expect from someone who doesn’t know You, live for You, love You?  Help me to forgive them.

Now about you moving your seat from this church to another….I would first want to ask you if you have spoken to your Pastor about this?  The Pastor needs to know what is going on with his flock.  He has been called to this position from God and holds a very high responsibility looking after His sheep. It sounds like there is already division in your church and your Pastor needs to be made aware of it, if he doesn’t already know. Otherwise how can there be growth as a whole?

The next thing I would suggest is to pursue God. Pursue means to chase & capture. When you are in pursuit of something with the goal of capture in mind, you will be amazed at what will happen in your walk with God.  Take your focus off your pain.  Jesus took a lash from the cattail that was made out of glass that day He was crucified and that lash was for all your pain you have felt, feel and will feel. He took it for YOU. It’s already taken care of.  You just have to believe it. God has a big bottle, every tear you shed is going in it.  He has a book, and He’s writing down your prayers, and He tells of your wanderings.  He knows all about what’s going on.  He’s heard you the many times you sought Him over one particular need.  After awhile that bottle becomes full and He has to do something about it. Just one more tear may do it.

Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.  James 5:13

It’s obvious that your affliction hasn’t moved overnight.  You hope it will be taken care of NOW but for some reason, count it joy Sister, He sees you and is allowing this to happen to you.  He is building your faith and bringing you closer to Him.  Forget that this person has wronged you and thank God that He has allowed it to happen because you are seeking Him.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.  Hebrews 10:36

I will be praying for you and if you would like to talk more, please email me.  I would also suggest you getting the book, Prayer by Verbal Bean.