The Diaries of a Fruitcake in a Half Baked World!

Yes, we are entering another year, 2010, and this will be the year of my big 40!

Here I am, 39 years old and I feel like I am 25! Why is that?  Our mind doesn’t seem to catch up with our body.  The other day I was looking at pictures of me holding a microphone and I saw my Mom’s hand.  I was kind of shocked. My hands didn’t look young like I am seeing in my 18 year old.

Looking back from the line of 40 that is drawn in the sand, my favorite decade has been my 30’s. My teen years I would never want to relive again! So many bad experiences. But a few good things came out of it too. I met my husband at the age of 16. I got engaged and graduated high school at the age of 17 and married at the age of 18. 19 was a rough year being married and learning how to be a, not only a wife but a Military Spouse and not relying on my relatives but my husband.

My 20’s were full of mixed emotions. I had our children at ages 21, 22, 23. At 24-27 I learned how to be a married single mom. My husband was deployed and always gone while we were in Germany. Relatives were no where around to help. I couldn’t just get in my car and drive 5 hours to see them. At 27 years old I re-dedicated my life to Christ and He blessed me with a voice to sing. 28-29 was a rough patch for me. I found out that one of my children had been molested, which devastated me! I went into depression but refused to take medicine for it. I used food as my comfort and gained a lot of weight. I was really down on myself for not being able to protect my child. Her and I went to therapy together for a year, which seemed to help. So, my 20’s were years of growing and trying to find direction after seeing how I handled the years before!

Have you been there? Wondering, as you look around the house and see little ones running everywhere, is there something more I am suppose to be doing with my life?  Not realizing that being a mother is one of the most important “jobs” anyone could ever have in life! It doesn’t pay much physically but it does fulfill mentally. The fruit of your labor will show in years to come and you will see just how important being a mother is. But it doesn’t stop when they aren’t little and depending on you anymore.  They will need you more than ever in the teen years, when you think that now is the time to get out and work because they are busy doing their own thing. Not so! It would be great to get a job during the hours they are in school but the hours after school are the most important ones! I knew this from when I was a teen and I had a working mom. So, if I got on one of my kicks to go out and find a job, I made sure it was during school hours or at home, otherwise I wouldn’t be working for very long.

Turning 30 was the hardest age for me.  I remember going to the doctor for that yearly check up and sitting there talking to the doctor. I had started to break out like never before and I was over weight. I told the doctor, “I’m depressed, I have acne, I’m over weight and I need you to check my blood for cancer and I turned 30!” I thought I was falling apart. I really was a mess. I hadn’t been in church for over 3 years at the time and it showed, to me. I mean not too long ago I had re-dedicated my life and was part of a women’s bible study and now it looked like I was falling apart!  The kids were getting older and not needing me to entertain them. So, what was I doing with my life? These were the “try everything” years. My poor husband.  He was so supportive though. I think I tried every stay-at-home job I could find. I had friends that would support me also with every new adventure. I just couldn’t find the right thing I was to do.

I worked at Red Lobster as a waitress for the first time. But the hours were not good for the family. I always wanted to try it and I am glad I did. I now know how to tip! They work really hard for below minimum wage or at least it was then. I had the chance to work for LifeWay Christian bookstore but I turned it down because I was now going to church and having to leave every quarter to sing for the Marines at Parris Island. I had my own daycare, Weeble Wobbles Daycare, in our home. I also, later, worked for the elementary school my children were attending. That was a blessing for me.  I then worked for a local bank for a year and decided to become a Realtor. I have been doing that going on 5 years now.  Singing was a big part of my 30’s. I tried hard to make it in the industry but it just wasn’t meant to be. I had so many people that stood behind me and cheered me on and it is part of my life I will always cherish. I will never have the regret either! That is important.  Don’t ever give up or not try cause otherwise you will be flirting with 40 and wondering why you didn’t try.  It’s never too late to try, even if you are past the 40 mark.

I think I might be in denial about 40 though. I just can’t believe it.  I remember when my Mom was 40. I am actually looking forward to this part of my life! This will be the times that I am going to write my book and be a published writer.  I will one day be a Grandma! I cannot wait for that! I will be able to mentor women and grow more in the Lord. I am just very excited about what the Lord has in store for me.

So, have you gone through your 40 year mark? Tell me about how it went for you and what you learned…