Dear Thea,
My husband and I have been married for 18 years now and we have 2 teenagers who are no longer staying home like they did when they were little. I have been finding myself alone with my husband and I am worried. What will it be like when the kids really leave? What do we have in common? When the kids are out with their friends, we look like two older people that are into separate things. He sits in his recliner watching sports and I sit reading a book. I want to get out of this rut. Any advice on possibly having a date night?
Thank you for your help
Daring to Date
Thank you for your question. I did a lot of research on this topic and it is really good to start a “date night” if you haven’t already. A lot of married couples that reach the 20 to 25 year of marriage mark find themselves in a courtroom getting a divorce because the kids have left the home and the couple has found that they have nothing keeping them together. It is best to have a date night at least once a week. This time is for you to have fun alone and enjoy each other’s company. As we get older we change. Change in our hobbies, activities, tastes. If you don’t spend time together you will grow apart instead of growing together.
I have been married 20 years now and there was a time that I really worried about the kids leaving the home. He was always gone due to the military so my life really revolved around our three children early in our marriage. As the years passed we weren’t spending hardly any time together because we were so busy in the kid’s lives and in our business and work. When we weren’t doing these things we would just sit on one side of the living room with our laptops. So, I voiced my worries to my hubby one day and asked him to tell me what he thinks I like to do. What we found out was we had been neglecting each other. We were growing apart in our “out of the home” activities. That was when we started paying attention to each other and making that date night.
A date night can be in the home when the kids are gone behind a locked door! We find that happening a lot in our home. It just depends on the couple. If you feel you need to get out of the home, there are a lot of ideas that are free. You don’t have to spend money to have a great date. Go window shopping, yes, even to the shops that men have interests in, try going for a walk in the park, go hiking, cloud watch for fun shapes (it will bring your youthfulness out), have a candlelight dinner for two. Whatever you do, dress up for dinner or when you go out, even if it is for a walk. Remember how you were when you weren’t married and you dated your spouse? You wanted to look your best. That still hasn’t changed. Or maybe you see that it has.
It is really sad because a lot of us think that when we are married, the dating is strictly for those who are in search for a partner. Regular dates can help put the focus back on the marriage and help you to maintain a healthy and exciting relationship.
Even if you aren’t interested in doing something, if your spouse is, then suck it up and learn to enjoy it because it is something they like. My husband and I both sacrificed for the other. He hates movies, I hate having the sports channel on ALL day on weekends! Now that is a big hourly difference and sometimes he will change the channel at my request. J
Here are some ideas that I have found that can help you discover each other again.
- Dinner and a movie.
- Visit friends and play board games
- Enjoy a couple’s massage
- Video night at home
- Ordering take out
- Make popcorn and watch TV on the same couch!
- Go to the park and play on the swings and slippery slide. You’re never old!
- Plan an upcoming vacation
- Fly a kite
- Walk in the rain
- Build a snowman
If you have ideas that have helped you discover each other again, please share. It will help us all! Looking forward to hearing from you.
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